Aug 28th...What a difference a year makes!

Here's a photo just before I got the call to begin the hypnosis program.  There were a lot of tears shed that day. Some Mommy tears of joy for Morgan and sadness for my baby going to Kindergarten. Then other tears as Brian and I had a "discussion" about the fact that I needed to do something about my weight.  At the time, I was considering going back to Jenny Craig and was on a 6 month waiting list for The Key Hypnosis. 

August 29th, 2012

The Key Hypnosis called a week later and I started the program on September 13, 2012. I can hardly believe I haven't had anything sweet or carb-related for almost a year.

But if you ask me if it's worth it? Hell ya! Because when I look at today's pictures, there is no doubt - even for a second - that I am missing anything at all! In fact, what I have gained in my health, my self-confidence, and a renewed joy for my life - oh and don't forget those size 12 "skinny" jeans!  All of these things far outweigh an ice cream cone, a slice of bread, or even a glass of wine (which I truly do miss!)

 August 28, 2013

June 18...Maintaining Balance

Something I have worked extremely hard at over the past year or so at is finding a solid work-life balance.  It's not always easy and sometimes it's nearly impossible, but working at it everyday counts more than you know. 

What I am learning is that something ALWAYS suffers. In our life, it's usually a clean house. I'm oddly OK with that.  I like a clean house as much as anyone, but between working a full-time job and raising 3 small kids, it's just not on the top of my list on a daily basis. I tend to reserve a clean house for guests and entertaining. 

The idea of balance has been top of mind for me lately and a topic of conversation with other working moms and friends. We all struggle with it. 

Whoever said "Women can have it all" is a complete and utter liar.  It's simply not possible. 

However, timing, sometimes, is everything. 

As you know, I really enjoy and find value in my Mommy Podcasts. I am listening to the Power of Moms ones in order, so the "Perspective of Balance popped up on a day I really needed it....(http://powerofmoms.com/2012/08/perspectives-on-balance-episode-38/)

My key take away was this - take 5 minutes every night to identify 1 thing to do for your family, for your job, & for yourself the next day. This exercise allows you to consider what each area of your life needs and to focus on that need.  It's a nice tool to have in my pocket and has helped me over the past 2 weeks to constantly consider my priorities on a daily basis.  

I know that I will not always be balanced with my family because sometimes my job requires more focus and attention and on the flip side, my job may not always be #1 because there are things in my family life that take the priority for that day, week, ect.  

The key for me, really, is simply being OK with not always excelling at everything at all times and always remembering my top priority IS and always will be my family.  

But part of that priority has to allow my job a place in our life. It just does. Lucky for me, I like my job and I'm pretty good at it. Also, lucky for me, I'm fortunate to have flexibility in my day if needed which allows me to participate in school activities. It's this amazing flexibility that allows me the balance I crave and need as a working mom. 

Life will constantly require an adjustment of priorities in order to maintain a happy family, a happy mom, and a happy boss!

But the struggle is totally worth it when you get it right - 

Morgan's kindergarten celebration. The moment she saw us in the audience!

Mommy & Morgan, post celebration!

 

June 3rd - Perception vs. Reality...such a funny thing

It's a tricky thing our perception of ourselves.

Why is it that when we are bigger we think we are smaller and when we are smaller we think we are bigger?

I'm not sure if I am the only one this happens to, but I wonder about overcoming this false perception a lot.

Here's the thing -

When I was bigger, I never felt as big as I was. Every time I would see a picture of myself (which are few and far between!), I would think, "I'm not really that big, am I?"

Now, the reverse is true. I can't wrap my head around my actual size. It boggles my mind to buy a medium anything, and I still think 16 pants fit.  They don't!  I feel bigger than I know I am.

And  -

Why is it that I only focus on the muffin top complimented by cottage cheese belly and the swinging arm fat? When I should focus on how much smaller I am and how far I've come.

Why is it so hard to love ourselves for who we are today? Not that we shouldn't strive to be better, but we really should be grateful for the body we have today and thankful for all it can do for us.

I think this is especially true if you take a moment to think about all the people who would give anything for a capable body - the sick, the elderly, the victims of the Boston bombing...you catch my meaning.

So my goal today - be happy with the body I have. Be intentional. Be grateful. Work to make it stronger, but be less critical of the way it is today.

May 2nd...has it really been that long?

Not sure how I left 6 weeks slip by, but life has been a little nutty lately...sorry about that!

Everything is still going strong from a diet perspective. In my opinion, the weight loss has slowed down a bit, but that's ok. I'm still in a 14, but they are loosening up a bit, so a 12 is not far away! I know exercise is key to losing the rest of the weight. Now, it's a matter of fitting it in.

I signed up (with my book club) to do a fun obstacle course race in September, so I am hoping that gives me the motivation to get out the running shoes and working on my 'couch-to-5k' program!

I promised some photo's, so here are some before & now shots...

A family trip to Santa's Village - Aug 2012

 

And recently -

Boston Strong Day - April 2013

As you can see, still a little love handles/muffin top to work out, but pretty decent results if I do say so myself.

~Cheers~

Mar 13th - 6 months down...

Today is the 6 month anniversary of when I started the hypnosis program and what a great and rewarding 6 months it's been.

I can't speak highly enough of the program.  I see Julie Ann Kibe of The Key Hypnosis (http://thekeyhypnosis.com/) - for anyone who may be interested and local in MA.

I still have a lot of work ahead of me and the true test will be when I get into maintenance mode. This is where my true fear sets in!

For now, though, I am focusing on getting rid of the last bit of weight- only 2 more sizes to go - and celebrating the extreme success I have had over a VERY short period of time.

A quick celebration recap-

• My blood pressure is way down (last read was 120/80) and my cholesterol is down a bunch too.
• I've gone from a size 22 to a 14! I'm embarrassed to admit the first number,but it really does show how far I've come. I may even be inclined to take a photo or two and post some before/current shots.
• I am down to the last of my "skinny" clothes in the attic. I have 2 pairs of size 12 capri's w/ tags on, but that's it. I only had a few 14's up there. I didn't realize (or used selective memory) that most of my "skinny" clothes up there were 16's. 
• All of the dresses I wore the summer I got married and to all the weddings we went to around that time (10+ years ago) are too big. 
• I haven't had anything sweet (sugar, soda, fruit, ect) or anything with any significant gluten (bread, flour, beer, ect) since the day before I started the program. Not even a glass of wine & that one is hard!!
• I have significantly more energy, patience, & self-confidence.

So now, after a few moments to pause and reflect, I can say this - I am happy - truly & deeply happy - and that is the best gift I could have given myself and my family.

Mar 6th - Things that help with Balance

Since there really isn't anything new or exciting to comment this week in regards to weight loss, I thought I would share some websites and podcasts that I love and have found really helpful as I continue to strive for balance in my life - especially when it comes to mothering

1) Busy Mom Survival Guide - PJ Jonas is a homeschooling mom of 8 and runs a very successful business - Goat Milk Stuff. She is the sister-in-law of my high school & college roommate.

http://goatmilkstuff.com/Busy-Mom-Survival-Guide.html - I subscribe via iTunes.

2) Power of Moms - I don't know anyone here, but I do enjoy their podcasts. I haven't gone into their website all that much. I subscribe to the podcasts via iTunes and started with the 1st one.

http://powerofmoms.com/learning-tools/podcasts/

3) Scary Mommy - You probably see links to this on my Facebook page, but I just find it funny - hysterical, actually.

http://www.scarymommy.com/

4) Pinterest - well, you all know Pinterest, but I find it really does make me "appear" to be a Super-Mom, when I really am not. I am a copy cat and proud of it.

http://pinterest.com/trsboston73/

5) Groupon, Eversave, Living Social, Amazon Local, Family Zip, Breathe NH - I use all of these sites frequently to find deals and savings for me and my family. I can't tell you the last time I paid full price for a hair cut....

http://www.groupon.com/
http://www.eversave.com/boston/bottoms-up-detail-2
http://www.livingsocial.com/cities/2-boston
http://local.amazon.com/boston
http://www.familyzip.com/
https://www.breathenh.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=948

That's all I got. Enjoy!

-tammy

Feb 28th - On feeling skinny

I am going to preface this post by stating that I know I am not skinny - not yet anyway! And by that I mean, when I walk down the street I am pretty certain people (aka: strangers) don't look at me and say "That's one skinny girl..."

However, I feel skinny and with that comes an ability to carry myself with confidence. I stand taller. I walk prouder. I feel like - in the first time in AGES - that I actually look 1/2 decent in clothes.

Happily, I am running out of "skinny" clothes in the attic. Some of the things up there, with tags on them, mind you, are actually too big. Isn't that exciting?

Well, the exciting part is that come spring and summer, when I am done losing and ready to maintain, I'll be forced to go shopping...bummer for me!

What I am realizing, though, is that it really doesn't matter what size I end up - feeling skinny and feeling good about myself is what does. So I may never be a size 6, and I may never be that girl on the street, but inside I sure as heck will be. :)

Don't get me wrong, I still want that tummy tuck - dang twin pregnancy - but with a little Spanx, it might not be that bad....And, if I actually exercised, it's even possible, I could look decent in a bathing suit this summer.

So, here's to feeling skinny at whatever size that is for you. Right now, it's a 14/16 for me, and I am pretty freakin' happy with that!

Feb 20th - Houston, the door appears to be stuck....

Getting out of the house is harder than I thought. It's just one of those things that seems to get pushed to the bottom of the list...or forgotten all together.

Morgan & I did walk to the bus stop 1 day last week and that was really fun.

She got to discover ice "glass"

And we had a great time breaking it 

She also played Queen of the Mountain on the snow banks

And we talked, just the two of us.

Why, then, is it so hard to fit all of those great moments into my day??

It's just not easy when life is busy to carve out 10-20 minutes - or remembering to take them.

I'm trying though - and that should count for something - shouldn't it?

Feb 13th - Getting out of the hamster cage

Have you ever thought of your life like living in a hamster cage? I hadn't until a few weeks ago.  But I think it's true in a sense - I live surrounded by 4 walls and, generally, my days are pretty predictable - wake up, get dressed, drop of kids, go to work, pick up kids, come home, cook dinner, baths, bedtime...you get the idea.

So, one of the things I have been thinking of is how to fit exercise into my day and breaking free from the hamster cage.

Here is the advice I was given & I think it's pretty good -

As humans, it's pretty easy to just open the door. The sense of freedom will come from not following a program or joining a gym, but just at random, and whenever I can, opening the door and taking a quick walk - sun, rain, sleet or snow. Truly giving myself permission to get outside and get moving, so whether it's 5 minutes or 25 minutes anything is better than nothing. The end result is continuing to build a desire to do more exercise and reach a level of fitness I haven't seen in many, many years. :)

I don't have a specific goal in mind or anything, but I do believe that this is the next thing I need to make a priority in order to help me reach my pant size and, definitely, some thing that will be needed in order to keep my ass in them!

Sounds easy, right?

Feb 9th - A suggestion for stress

Something that is incredibly difficult for me is seeing the positive first.  I tend to be very quick to comment on all the things that aren't done or that I don't have. The dishes not being done, the house is a mess, the kids are fighting, the commute sucks, money, work ridiculousness...

I am working on this because it's important to me, and I certainly don't want to pass along to my children.

One of the suggestions I received recently was at night just before I fall asleep to think of 2 positive things that happened throughout the day - even the smallest of small things.  

When you recognize and acknowledge these things on a daily basis - and right before dream land - it is supposed to help you focus on the positive things that happen throughout the day instead of always heading down the rat hole of negative. And, therefore, helping reduce the stress (that is caused by focusing on the negative things) For me, it's so easy to get sucked into this way of thinking.

10 things I have thought of over the past week -

1. Liam gave me the biggest hug and kiss when he woke up
2. Morgan made a sticker chart for Liam to help him get rid of night time pull ups
3. Shannon snuggled with me on the couch & held my hand
4. Brian reminded the kids that I am not a servant to them and to speak nicely to Mommy
5. Listened to the kids giggle in the girls room.
6. Made muffins and cookies with my Monkeys (& being ok that I can't even lick my fingers)
7. Seeing the kids light up after a face time with Daddy while he was away (after we hung up of course)
8. Watched Peter Pan with the kids for the 1st time (& snuggled on the couch)
9. Brian took the time to make sure we were ready for Nemo.
10. Watched the sun peek through and making the snow glimmer

I'm pretty lucky aren't I? 

Jan 29th - Refresh, Reset, & Recommit

I'm calling this day one because I went in for a refresher session tonight and I feel as good as I did on Day 1 of the program - mentally. Physically, I feel a million times better. :-)

Technically, I am 4 1/2 months into the hypnosis program and the success so far has been pretty amazing!  Really, absolutely no complaints what-so-ever.

The reason I wanted to go in for the refresher is because I felt those tempting thoughts creeping back into my mind, and I wanted to push them away. I like not being bothered by the limited diet. I like feeling positive instead of negative about this new way of life. I mean, who wouldn't, right?

The finish line to my goal pant size is in view (2-3 more sizes to go). I want to get there as fast as I can, so I can start the long, hard process re-training my body and mind to accept that this new weight is THE weight! I have no misconception that it's going to be easy, but I'm pretty excited to take on the challenge.

I also feel energized and interested in exercise, so that will help a ton! Can you believe I have done all of this without any exercise? It's pretty crazy.  I finally feel like I am at a point where I am capable of exercising and am eager to build up my core strength. I am remembering how it felt to play field hockey, lacrosse, run a marathon, ski all day. I can't wait to feel that strong again.  What an amazing thing to feel - especially as I welcome the big 4-0 in December.

So while I am busier than ever, I feel (today anyway) incredibly balanced with work, family, life, ect. This journey has given me a renewed belief in myself that anything and everything is possible.

And that's why I am resetting the clock to Day 1...

Jan 25th - Miles and miles of candy

One of the hardest things about changing the way you eat is having to travel. This week, I attended a 3-day Sales Training in Atlanta.  It wasn't horrible, but it also was not on my top 10 list of things to do either.

Here is how I a managed - I figured I  was going to be hungry for most of the day until dinner and that I was going to drink a lot of coffee, tea, & water...A  LOT of it!

It's not even that I was tempted to "cheat." Well, until the the miles and miles of candy displayed on the final day during the afternoon break....but the good news while I thought to myself - 1 hot tamale or 1 gummy bear wouldn't be THAT bad would it?? I always answered with - YES stupid! It would  be THAT bad! It really felt like those candy tables were out on display for hours!

The real problem I had was finding food at the right time because I am only supposed to eat when I am hungry and not when I am not. A challenge when there are set meal times and meetings every minute in between. I ended up just eating when there were options within my food parameters. Luckily, I was pretty hungry at lunch and dinner, so it worked out ok. And lunch was better (not as in yummy better, but as in foods I can eat better - ie: plain chicken and veggies or salad).

We also went out to dinner both nights and with several substitutions, they were both meals were quite good. Luckily, I am past the embarrassment of being a complicated order-er at restaurants. Plus, my colleagues were fantastic at understanding and supporting which was a huge help.

So strangely, it really wasn't as bad as I expected. I wasn't all that hungry and with some pre-planning for dinners, those meals were really quite delicious.

I am always delighted when things work out better than expected. Because it is during those times I truly feel as if my life and habits are changing for good and for the better.

Oh -and cheers to the fact that I can still drink vodka!

Jan 17th - An unexpected uplift

It is my belief that everyone loves to be complimented, and I am no exception. I truly appreciate all of them, and let it be known that this post isn't about seeking more of them.  It is about one in particular touched me a few weeks ago and provided an uplift I needed.

It also got me thinking about the value of a good, true, heartfelt compliment and that I need to give more of them.

This leads into something else I have been working on - becoming a better listener. I believe the great compliment I received is because the giver was actually listening to my story.  The value of the compliment comes not from the words said, but because, as the receiver, you feel really listened to.

Her compliment, "I'm proud of you!" There was more to it, of course, but that's the phrase that stuck with me. In that moment, I truly felt proud of my accomplishments and how far I have come in this journey in what really is a short amount of time.

I'm sure this book club friend has no idea how much her words meant to me, but I am grateful that she took the time to share them and for giving me the motivation to keep truckin' along!

Take time to listen to your friends, family, co-workers, ect and when there is something to compliment - don't hold back, say it!! And when complimented, say "Thank You! I really appreciate that!"

So to Linda, thank you for your thoughtful word. I really appreciated them!

Jan 7th - Dreaming

I've been dreaming lately - of beach vacations, bikini's, and cocktails.  It partly has to do with the fact that our 10 year anniversary and my 40th birthday are this year so Brian and I are planning our first vacation alone together since the kids were born. OK, it has a lot to do with that, but I am excitedly dreaming of the cute sundresses, bathing suits (not a bikini though since the twins seriously messed up my stomach) that I will get to wear if I stay the course and meet my size goal. I can't wait for the real thing!

I am also day dreaming about all the things that will be or are easier because of the weight loss - skiing, playing tag with the kids, sitting on the floor for games & puzzles, riding rides, airplane seats...the list goes on.   It's pretty amazing what doors open - physically, mentally, and emotionally - from losing a few pounds.

The funny thing about dreams is that you can be whatever size you want.  I don't know about anyone else, but I don't tend to dream "skinny."  However, with the hypnosis, she asks 2 questions on the very first session. First she asks how much weight you want to lose and second, what size you want to be. I think about these questions a lot and the meaning behind them. They conjure up an image of your "ideal" self or the self you want to be.

I was relatively conservative in my answers since I know what I can realistically maintain. As a result, one of my concerns is not being happy with what I think I want. I keep wondering - Will it be "skinny" enough? But, why worry about that now. Anything is better than what I was and it is all healthier. And really, I will only know the answer when I get there.

So, for today, I'm going with - "Don't Worry! Be Happy!"

Jan 2nd - It may be a New Year, but the journey is well underway

Clearly, blogging is not my thing...I really want it to be, but it's simply not...life is so darn busy that I just am not finding or making the time to write. However, with the New Year upon us, I am going to try to write at least once a week.

Now, how to skinny down 4 months worth of weight loss into a single blog post? Well in 2 words - hypnosis ROCKS! I am down 4 pant sizes and I feel great. I still have a ways to go, but the impossible finally feels possible. I'm really looking forward to those cute size 10 red capris this summer! Heck, maybe I'll even shoot for size 8's! :)

I plan on going back to the hypnotist for a quick refresher course this month to keep the momentum going. However, I survived the holidays easy enough and, even though, I am starting to feel cravings and urges, I have not caved once. It's pretty amazing really.

You know the light at the end of the tunnel? I finally see it. For years, it's just been dark in that tunnel. In so many more ways than one. It's the sadness that becomes us when we feel completely overwhelmed by a task. It's the throw your hands up feeling and always giving in because the amount of weight to be lost is simply to much to bear. It's not feeling desirable. It's feeling like a failure, even though you know you are good at so many other things. But not this one thing. This one very important thing has always felt out of your reach.

And then it's not. You see the glimmer of hope and with it comes a sense of freedom. There is a lightness (literally and figuratively). There is a desire to be better - a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better employee...a better everything. There is a feeling of, well, balance that has come with the hypnosis and, that, I wouldn't change for the world. It was worth every penny. Luckily, Brian agrees. :)

I am finding new and creative ways to cook. I am more aware of what I feed my kids and making better choices for them. I'm not perfect with them yet, but one step at a time, right? And, we continue to make changes to eliminate the artificial ingredients and preservatives in our food and how we store them.

At the end of the day, what matters most to me is the fact that I am healthier for myself and for my family.  My blood pressure and cholesterol are way down. I have more energy and there's a little spring in my step that hasn't been there for awhile. I am happy. I am balanced. And, most importantly, I believe!

I am looking forward to more posts and to a very skinny year!

~peace~