Feb 28th - On feeling skinny

I am going to preface this post by stating that I know I am not skinny - not yet anyway! And by that I mean, when I walk down the street I am pretty certain people (aka: strangers) don't look at me and say "That's one skinny girl..."

However, I feel skinny and with that comes an ability to carry myself with confidence. I stand taller. I walk prouder. I feel like - in the first time in AGES - that I actually look 1/2 decent in clothes.

Happily, I am running out of "skinny" clothes in the attic. Some of the things up there, with tags on them, mind you, are actually too big. Isn't that exciting?

Well, the exciting part is that come spring and summer, when I am done losing and ready to maintain, I'll be forced to go shopping...bummer for me!

What I am realizing, though, is that it really doesn't matter what size I end up - feeling skinny and feeling good about myself is what does. So I may never be a size 6, and I may never be that girl on the street, but inside I sure as heck will be. :)

Don't get me wrong, I still want that tummy tuck - dang twin pregnancy - but with a little Spanx, it might not be that bad....And, if I actually exercised, it's even possible, I could look decent in a bathing suit this summer.

So, here's to feeling skinny at whatever size that is for you. Right now, it's a 14/16 for me, and I am pretty freakin' happy with that!

Feb 20th - Houston, the door appears to be stuck....

Getting out of the house is harder than I thought. It's just one of those things that seems to get pushed to the bottom of the list...or forgotten all together.

Morgan & I did walk to the bus stop 1 day last week and that was really fun.

She got to discover ice "glass"

And we had a great time breaking it 

She also played Queen of the Mountain on the snow banks

And we talked, just the two of us.

Why, then, is it so hard to fit all of those great moments into my day??

It's just not easy when life is busy to carve out 10-20 minutes - or remembering to take them.

I'm trying though - and that should count for something - shouldn't it?

Feb 13th - Getting out of the hamster cage

Have you ever thought of your life like living in a hamster cage? I hadn't until a few weeks ago.  But I think it's true in a sense - I live surrounded by 4 walls and, generally, my days are pretty predictable - wake up, get dressed, drop of kids, go to work, pick up kids, come home, cook dinner, baths, bedtime...you get the idea.

So, one of the things I have been thinking of is how to fit exercise into my day and breaking free from the hamster cage.

Here is the advice I was given & I think it's pretty good -

As humans, it's pretty easy to just open the door. The sense of freedom will come from not following a program or joining a gym, but just at random, and whenever I can, opening the door and taking a quick walk - sun, rain, sleet or snow. Truly giving myself permission to get outside and get moving, so whether it's 5 minutes or 25 minutes anything is better than nothing. The end result is continuing to build a desire to do more exercise and reach a level of fitness I haven't seen in many, many years. :)

I don't have a specific goal in mind or anything, but I do believe that this is the next thing I need to make a priority in order to help me reach my pant size and, definitely, some thing that will be needed in order to keep my ass in them!

Sounds easy, right?

Feb 9th - A suggestion for stress

Something that is incredibly difficult for me is seeing the positive first.  I tend to be very quick to comment on all the things that aren't done or that I don't have. The dishes not being done, the house is a mess, the kids are fighting, the commute sucks, money, work ridiculousness...

I am working on this because it's important to me, and I certainly don't want to pass along to my children.

One of the suggestions I received recently was at night just before I fall asleep to think of 2 positive things that happened throughout the day - even the smallest of small things.  

When you recognize and acknowledge these things on a daily basis - and right before dream land - it is supposed to help you focus on the positive things that happen throughout the day instead of always heading down the rat hole of negative. And, therefore, helping reduce the stress (that is caused by focusing on the negative things) For me, it's so easy to get sucked into this way of thinking.

10 things I have thought of over the past week -

1. Liam gave me the biggest hug and kiss when he woke up
2. Morgan made a sticker chart for Liam to help him get rid of night time pull ups
3. Shannon snuggled with me on the couch & held my hand
4. Brian reminded the kids that I am not a servant to them and to speak nicely to Mommy
5. Listened to the kids giggle in the girls room.
6. Made muffins and cookies with my Monkeys (& being ok that I can't even lick my fingers)
7. Seeing the kids light up after a face time with Daddy while he was away (after we hung up of course)
8. Watched Peter Pan with the kids for the 1st time (& snuggled on the couch)
9. Brian took the time to make sure we were ready for Nemo.
10. Watched the sun peek through and making the snow glimmer

I'm pretty lucky aren't I? 

Jan 29th - Refresh, Reset, & Recommit

I'm calling this day one because I went in for a refresher session tonight and I feel as good as I did on Day 1 of the program - mentally. Physically, I feel a million times better. :-)

Technically, I am 4 1/2 months into the hypnosis program and the success so far has been pretty amazing!  Really, absolutely no complaints what-so-ever.

The reason I wanted to go in for the refresher is because I felt those tempting thoughts creeping back into my mind, and I wanted to push them away. I like not being bothered by the limited diet. I like feeling positive instead of negative about this new way of life. I mean, who wouldn't, right?

The finish line to my goal pant size is in view (2-3 more sizes to go). I want to get there as fast as I can, so I can start the long, hard process re-training my body and mind to accept that this new weight is THE weight! I have no misconception that it's going to be easy, but I'm pretty excited to take on the challenge.

I also feel energized and interested in exercise, so that will help a ton! Can you believe I have done all of this without any exercise? It's pretty crazy.  I finally feel like I am at a point where I am capable of exercising and am eager to build up my core strength. I am remembering how it felt to play field hockey, lacrosse, run a marathon, ski all day. I can't wait to feel that strong again.  What an amazing thing to feel - especially as I welcome the big 4-0 in December.

So while I am busier than ever, I feel (today anyway) incredibly balanced with work, family, life, ect. This journey has given me a renewed belief in myself that anything and everything is possible.

And that's why I am resetting the clock to Day 1...

Jan 25th - Miles and miles of candy

One of the hardest things about changing the way you eat is having to travel. This week, I attended a 3-day Sales Training in Atlanta.  It wasn't horrible, but it also was not on my top 10 list of things to do either.

Here is how I a managed - I figured I  was going to be hungry for most of the day until dinner and that I was going to drink a lot of coffee, tea, & water...A  LOT of it!

It's not even that I was tempted to "cheat." Well, until the the miles and miles of candy displayed on the final day during the afternoon break....but the good news while I thought to myself - 1 hot tamale or 1 gummy bear wouldn't be THAT bad would it?? I always answered with - YES stupid! It would  be THAT bad! It really felt like those candy tables were out on display for hours!

The real problem I had was finding food at the right time because I am only supposed to eat when I am hungry and not when I am not. A challenge when there are set meal times and meetings every minute in between. I ended up just eating when there were options within my food parameters. Luckily, I was pretty hungry at lunch and dinner, so it worked out ok. And lunch was better (not as in yummy better, but as in foods I can eat better - ie: plain chicken and veggies or salad).

We also went out to dinner both nights and with several substitutions, they were both meals were quite good. Luckily, I am past the embarrassment of being a complicated order-er at restaurants. Plus, my colleagues were fantastic at understanding and supporting which was a huge help.

So strangely, it really wasn't as bad as I expected. I wasn't all that hungry and with some pre-planning for dinners, those meals were really quite delicious.

I am always delighted when things work out better than expected. Because it is during those times I truly feel as if my life and habits are changing for good and for the better.

Oh -and cheers to the fact that I can still drink vodka!

Jan 17th - An unexpected uplift

It is my belief that everyone loves to be complimented, and I am no exception. I truly appreciate all of them, and let it be known that this post isn't about seeking more of them.  It is about one in particular touched me a few weeks ago and provided an uplift I needed.

It also got me thinking about the value of a good, true, heartfelt compliment and that I need to give more of them.

This leads into something else I have been working on - becoming a better listener. I believe the great compliment I received is because the giver was actually listening to my story.  The value of the compliment comes not from the words said, but because, as the receiver, you feel really listened to.

Her compliment, "I'm proud of you!" There was more to it, of course, but that's the phrase that stuck with me. In that moment, I truly felt proud of my accomplishments and how far I have come in this journey in what really is a short amount of time.

I'm sure this book club friend has no idea how much her words meant to me, but I am grateful that she took the time to share them and for giving me the motivation to keep truckin' along!

Take time to listen to your friends, family, co-workers, ect and when there is something to compliment - don't hold back, say it!! And when complimented, say "Thank You! I really appreciate that!"

So to Linda, thank you for your thoughtful word. I really appreciated them!